Showing posts with label Running Geese Nature Celine Dion Han Solo Star Wars. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Running Geese Nature Celine Dion Han Solo Star Wars. Show all posts

Monday, April 11, 2011

Why I'll Never Run A Marathon

I am not a fan of exercise, and I don't think I ever have been. However, I enjoy my health, so I try to exercise on a minor level. Just enough to defend my arteries from the outrageous amount of cheese I eat. Every once in a while -normally on a pretty day- I will get motivated enough to go on what I hope will be a long run.

Of course, I can't run in my neighborhood, because that's where I do my basic, 10-15 minute cardio, and treadmills are super boring for the long-haul. I will randomly pick a park with a long trail, make a good running playlist, and drive to my destination.

Until this point, I have remained happily unaware of my severe concentration issues.

The run begins. My thought process feels almost normal.



This is a good song, I love Muse!

I really hope that this run is awesome.

I feel awesome! Like...Han Solo awesome!

Star Wars is so good! I wonder how they run in space.

Being in space would be terrifying.

I don't ever want to go to space ever because I would be asphyxiated and die a tragic death and get all my blood vacuumed out of my system and - 

Maybe I shouldn't think about space anymore. Keep it simple.

It's such a lovely day!

The thought pattern may vary, but the end result is always the same. About five minutes into the run, I try to focus externally, on how glorious the day is. I turn my gaze to my surroundings, and am filled with the majesty that a pretty setting brings. I run with the smile that only comes when you feel prepared for a zombie outbreak.

Another minute or three passes, and my over-stimulation catches up with me.

That tree is pretty!

Oooh! A weeping willow! I love those!

Flowwwwwwweerrrrrrssssss!

More treeeeeeeeeees!

Nature!

AHHHH GEESE!

Here, I stop running completely to stare at the flock of geese, or whatever other animal I have come across. I will stare at the animals for long moments, trying to be as quiet as I can, and mentally abandoning whatever rhythm I had. At this point I should give up, because I will never get it back.

But, no. I eventually snap myself out of my nature-induced trance and hit the trail once more, because I am committed!

Half a minute later finds me staring at a tree. 

When did leaves get so interesting?

They have veins! They're green! They're sucking up sun rays!

I should maybe start running again.

I finally re-start running, but it's not the same. I can't help but want to observe the nature that I so very much love to be in. Very rarely - if I'm smart - I abandon my run completely at this juncture, find a bench, and just sit. More often I try to salvage my run. I try to regain focus by kicking up my music volume a notch. This is the wrong time to do so, because I'm all hyped up, but unable to re-find a nice rhythm.

When I am frustrated in not finding my rhythm, I give up and run to the rhythm of the song, which quickly escalates into abandoning my form for a more preferable limb-tossing half-run, half-dance. Of course, half-dancing can only be satisfying for so long, and soon enough I have stopped my run again completely to look like a complete goober on the trail.


Or, even worse...


I have completely lost any semblance to what my original goal was, and have started to channel my inner Celine Dion. I walk back to my car, singing and looking for a flock of geese.